bitch (b?ch)
n.1. A female canine animal, especially a dog.
2. Offensive.
1. A woman considered to be spiteful or overbearing.
2. A lewd woman.
3. A man considered to be weak or contemptible.
3. Slang. A complaint.
4. Slang. Something very unpleasant or difficult.v. Slang., bitched, bitch�ing, bitch�es.
v.intr.
To complain; grumble.
v.tr.To botch; bungle. Often used with up.
[Middle English bicche, from Old English bicce.]
This is something I’ve had rolling about in my head for quite awhile, and I think, while I have some clarity, I’ll speak up. I absolutely despise the way that the word “bitch” has become a word that women feel they need to “own” or “reclaim”. This practice, which is supposed to take away the power of a word, in my opinion only makes it worse.
I do not understand (unless it’s purely as a joke) why any woman would want to label herself a bitch, and be proud of it. I have seen shows on Dr. Phil and Oprah where women have “come out of the closet”, their chests puffed out and ready to defend their right to be bitches. Is that attitude supposed to make me respect you? Like you? Do you really need that t-shirt that says, “Proud to be the Bitch I am”?
Why would any woman want to be a bitch? I don’t want to be friends with a woman who is going to be a bitch (in the definitive sense) and whatever makes such an attitude appealing?
I would say that such a label is going to put you off into a corner somewhere, but do a google for the word bitch, and here’s the first search that comes up:
Bitch | Feminist Response to Pop Culture
Provides commentary on our media-driven world from a feminist perspective.
It’s painfully obvious that you wouldn’t be alone, especially if you have your own magazine.
What bothers me more is that these women that feel like owning the label of bitch, are so negatively aggressive. They’re in your face, unapologetic, and will beat you within an inch of your life with your own leg if you even dare to cross them in any manner. Definately the definition of a bitch; but what the hell is at all positive about that?
I am not saying that women have to take a step backwards and embrace their inner June Cleaver; god forbid, no! If you want to show your empowerment, your intelligence, why can you not do so in a positive manner that makes you truly proud to be a woman?
I would much rather see the word bitch returning to it’s true, and first definition; that of a female dog. In that use it seems clinical; not hateful or angry.
Women have a tough enough time in this world, especially when they’re crossing into male-dominated territory. I do feel that such battles are only compounded when a woman embraces her “inner bitch” and feels she must project that to the world in order to survive. To me, this woman, if she does succeed at all, is going to do so at a great cost to her self worth. What good is any type of success if to those around her (family, friends and co-workers) she is perceived as a woman who is angry, bitter, negatively aggressive, has issues and is unapproachable?
Women do not need to own, reclaim or embrace the word bitch. Words have power and the best way to strip a word of its power is to push it aside and leave it behind. I’m not a bitch, I’m a woman.
Ladies and gents, let me know what your opinion is. If you’re a woman who calls herself a bitch (and it’s not meant in a joking manner) let me know why. Men, I’d like to hear from you as well. Comments are open…
Oh yes, we’re all allowed to disagree. :)
“Assertive”, Jewel, that’s the word! Assertive women are to be admired. I applaud you, Jewel, for how you handle yourself with your in-laws. It’s good that your husband stands with you, as well.
I can respect disagreement, if it was me you were worried about offending, Bev, then don’t worry about it.
I think one point I didn’t make that I wanted to, is that a lot of women are called ‘bitch’ for standing up for themselves. These are not mean-spirited women; they are women who will not be pushed into pre-defined rolls.
For example, my in-laws absolutely hate me because I am not the traditional housewife. They don’t respect that my husband and I have defined each other’s roles in our family based on wants and skills – they believe I am failing because I am not what they view as the ‘right kind’ of housewife. If it comes up, I will clearly tell them that we are happy with how we have things set up, we appreciate heir concern, but it really isn’t any of their business.
That’s not being a ‘bitch’, that’s being assertive.
I am not soft spoken and diminutive – but I am extremely warm hearted and loving. I am not what I myself would ever refer to as a ‘bitch’. But others would refer to me as one, because I throw their stereotypes in their face.
Women referring to themselves as out of the closet ‘bitches’ are not saying they are nasty, they are saying they recognize that you probably won’t like what they stand up for, but that it isn’t going to stop them from doing it.
If anyone called me a bitch to my face, I would definitely step up and say it was inappropriate and unacceptable. And if it was in the work place, I would do as you did Jayne, and stop serving the person.
However, if I overheard someone say, ‘that bitch wouldn’t do as I said’ I’d just shrug and think, ‘yep, that’s me the bitch’. Meaning = I am not going to change my actions because someone called me a bitch.
LC – you closing comment is powerful. Why DO we draw intellectual boundaries along biological borders? Certainly its better than it once was, but it’s still happens. We don’t see outspoken men and outspoken women the same way at all. It’s a problem with roots than run deeply, and is hard to dig out.
It’s difficult for me to put this into words without offending someone and I truly do not mean to do so. The people who I respect and look up to will be able to do as Jayne did and eventually get someone’s respect by using her intelligence to combat the use of a word that has negative connotations rather than falling back on the ignorance that spawned it.
I do not believe that a person can truly reclaim a word to make it hurt less or turn it into something more honorable. By using it, a person is just strengthening it’s meaning.
Using bitch in jest isn’t something I have a problem with. It’s the negative aggression that I see in claiming it that, to me, doesn’t make it positive.
As Jewel points out with the N word; that has become so negative that a non-African-American that uses the word, in jest or in anger, can get his/her lights punched out for it. It may be less painful to “own” a negative word, but it’s still negative. And when a word becomes so powerful, that it has the potential to cause violence, there’s no way it’s a good thing. I mean, we cannot even say (or type) the N word now without fear of reprisal from someone. Where is the positive in that?
The word bitch isn’t, yet, as bad as the N word has gotten. I just think if women don’t want to be hurt by the bitch moniker, then don’t embrace it.
The one time I was called a bitch at work, I felt a helluva lot better about myself when I stood up to that man (whose loan I was processing!) and let him know not to refer to me in that manner, or I wouldn’t help him with the problem that prompted the name calling. In the end, I DID earn his respect and an apology. I had my dignity, too.
When someone calls you a name, it has power over you.
You take that power away by calling yourself the same name FIRST.
This is why African Americans will refer to themselves as the n-word. If they embrace it, use it amongst themselves, it hurts a lot less when someone uses it against them.
Women reclaim the name ‘bitch’, and do so proudly, because they are trying to take the power away from the word.
Sure, it would be best for us to stop using the word in a disparaging way. But really, there is no way to make that kind of change. You can’t run around and force people not to use ‘bitch’ unless referencing a female dog.
The only option to take the power away from the word Bitch is to adopt it ourselves. We redefine it as we adopt it. We say:
‘You want to call me a bitch? Go ahead – I am proud that I make you uncomfortable by challenging your assumptions, and I will not be silenced by being called names.’
Is it meant to make you respect us? Not at all. Is it meant to make you like us? Quite the contrary. It is meant to show you that we are not at all concerned with being liked, and we will not stop pushing the important issues because it makes us ‘not likable’.
I agree with you but those that do use the word in ‘jest’ are probably doing so because, at one time, someone said, “hey, you’re a bitch” and instead of being hurt they retaliated with, “yes, I am!” in a proud manner.
I see this happen all the time and it’s just like you said, they are trying to take the word back and own it so that it’s no longer an offensive word as many see it but a show of independence and strength.
I agree a new word or better word could be coined and used in the same manner. Would someone walk around saying, “yeah, I’m a slut” proudly? I suppose some would…but…
Good eye, LC, about strong women are still viewed as being equal only to weak, submissive men. I missed that. And, I agree, we need to keep things positive, and so far, the owning of the word bitch, just isn’t.
I’d feel a lot better about the word as it is most commonly used if it lost it’s connection with a particular gender.
As it is, I’m often amazed why mean-spirited men are seen as tough and strong, and mean-spirited women are seen as bitches, even by themselves with some mark of pride as you’ve indicated.
Being mean doesn’t make one smart, interesting or intelligent, though some people seem to think it does. And being strong doesn’t make a woman a “bitch”.
It’s particularly odd that strong women are seen as bitches, as are weak men. Does that mean that strong women are still viwed as being equal only to weak, submissive men?
And why do we still need to draw these intellectual boundaries along biological borders? If strength of character is a good human trait, then let’s give it a positive name, regardless of gender.