I was clearing out some old papers and looking through some of my old artwork. It’s strange going through the past. Some of it was intriguing, some cool, and some was scary. I’ve also uploaded a lot of new artwork at the gallery. There are a few new ones, but they are mostly old. Just click on the photo to get to the gallery.
And, if you want a glimpse into my journals, here are some random journal entries:
November 12, 1991: Three days N____ went without speaking before calling me at work. This is the fourth time when she’s gotten mad at me she pulls this silent treatment on me. She leaves notes around the apartment if she MUST speak to me. This time, tho, I’m not responding the way she wants. The second she shut up, I just ignored her. N____’s notes on the kitchen table have gone unread. She wants to meet me at that coffee shop she likes. I know she’s going to do her little whispery-intimidate thing. She’s going to get a verbal punch.
Evening: N____ was hoping for tears from me and an apology. She wouldn’t speak at the coffee shop… started writing AT me in her damn notebook. I shoved the notebook aside and let her have it. Not shouting, but it’s so tiny in there, everyone heard. First time she ever got embarrassed. I told her to shove her childish silence and that I was moving out. I’d had enough of her damn crap.
A few days later, my experience with my first and only roommate ended when I came home from work and found all my stuff moved into a corner and packed. Only after moving back in with my mom and brother did I discover that said nutcase roommate had taken a pair of scissors to a good portion of my clothing.
April 3, 1987: I’m learning how to use a computer. It isn’t too exciting but it’s getting me away from Carrie at the hotel. DOS is dull and I don’t get what is supposed to be so great about a computer. We’re making labels for books and tapes??? C’mon! Can’t you do that with a DYMO label maker?
I think I kind of discovered what’s cool and what’s not about computers by now.
October 13, 1980: Nobody likes to come home anymore. Mom stays at the Cooperage as late as she can. Dad works way out of town. Jim’s with J____ and Jack’s with his band, sometimes out in the garage, but not lately it seems. I don’t have anyplace to go unless I go walk someplace. I like the cemetary. Took some of dad’s pain pills and hid them in my dresser.
Moved the piano into my room. Nikki sleeps under my feet while I play it. Since no one is really home until dinnertime, I can bang on it loudly.
I can’t cry anymore.
I really did stop crying in 1980. It wasn’t until two days after my mother and I left my brothers behind in Missouri in January of 1985 that I started to cry again.
Do you keep old journals, photos, artwork?
I lost all of my journals, stories and poetry to a fire back in 1989 or ’90. Looking back at the journal I started in 2000 (the start of a difficult time in my life) I’m amazed at the changes in my approach to life. It makes me wish I still had my older stuff for comparison.
My diary entrees were few and far between and quite silly. I have kept some journals through different periods in my life, but couldn’t tell you where they are. My blog is probably the most consistent thing I have kept. I used to be a “keeper”-school stuff and lod clothes (I have a box just for Tessa)- but I have pretty much thrown everything away.
Except my old poetry. That crap I still have. I wish I would have written stories, but I thought I couldn’t write anything unless it was about god, and I didn’t want to write about god. I lived in my mind for a very long time. Maybe I could write about how I thought everything was worldly and a sin and was always very depressed, lol.
BTW…
In 1980, I was in kindergarden.
Love the new layout!
Fred – I’m dismayed by how much seems to be trash. lol
Every once in a while I get the courage to read some of my old stories. It’s always interesting to see which pieces hold up and which are utter trash, lol.
That’s a pretty cool keepsake, Margie.
I have boxes of artwork, photos and journals that I’ve kept since childhood. It is awesome to sit back and go through them once in a while to see how far I have come and to remind me on where I once had been.
My favorite would be my Graduation Bible that is written, highlighted and stuffed with sticky note prayers/thoughts. What is cool about this is that every single prayer had been answered to my benefit. Even the no’s. I realize that only now – years later.
-Margie