And this is just today:
- Stupid eBay sellers that don’t reply to repeated emails and apparently don’t think it’s at all strange that I paid $48 for an $18 CD.
- Listening to a mother in the grocery store tell a friend that she’s taught her children “tolerance for the gay community” by teaching her child to sing ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ with the words “Rudolph the Rainbow Leader”.
- Worrying about the side effects of my new anti-depressant, Wellbutrin, and not taking it because I’m afraid of the side effects making me either get panicky or suicidal.
- No Christmas tree this year (not the hubby’s fault, mine) and a set of crappy, ugly lights draped on the porch railing. Merry Farking Ho.
- Deciding to indulge in a swig of milk and not realizing that it’s sat in the fridge for too long. The ulcer was no more happy about it than I was.
- Idiots that stand behind the newscaster when you’re trying to listen to a serious story about a bicycle wreck in the area where your husband bikes to work…. at night.
This is a strange Christmas. I’m thankful for feeling at least good enough that Richard and I can look forward to a nice dinner that will include homemade fruitcake, but I don’t like my “eh, fark it” attitude about those silly decor things of the holiday that have always made it fun for me. Decorations and as many lights as possible. A really mean part of me wants to lay the blame on the spousal unit, but that’s entirely unfair. I went into this marriage knowing he wasn’t too big on Christmas and holidays in general. I know that this is ALL IN MY HEAD!!!
And then, there’s that Wellbutrin. Staring at me. This could work. It could, literally, turn my life around and give me the strength I need to deal with the vagaries and stress the chronic pain and my health cause me. This will be the eleventh anti-depressant, though, and I’m just wimpy scared about the stupid side effects.
Don’t you wish sometimes that the pharmacy wouldn’t give you those long sheets telling you all the drug side effects? It’s like giving my mind free reign to go hypochondria-nuts. I’ll take it. No worries there. I’ll start it tomorrow. I think it’s interesting that my doctor is having me take the first three doses at night. Then I go to morning and night after three days.
I honestly hope it works. I also hope it doesn’t make me gain even more weight. I want to lose, ya know?
Ok… time for a question for ya’ll… Donald Trump is your secret Santa. What has he gotten you this year?
Alright, go bicycles… Sorry, I love bicycles… Jayne, that link you gave me was mind blowing, so well put, so touching, just wanted to thank you for it, will be forwarding that to many.
I understand your fear yet hopes in this new medication. I hope that it will help you, but of course medicine is very scary, especially stuff you haven’t taken before.
Happy holidays (maybe you should try and see that Christmas horror movie, I’d like to see that one). Hehe, I’m a little bit evil ya know!
Wellbutrin is nice in my opinion. I can’t afford it now, but it is a great anti depressent and I never had side effects. Maybe keep a journal so you know whats up. I am not that into xmas this year either.
good luck!
dawn
Holy “some of my best friends are gay”, Batman! Oh, yeah, that’ll teach a kid tolerance of gays. Sheesh!!!
*sigh* Folks who do not ride bicycles just don’t get it, do they?
Wow, lady…I’ve gotta say, you’ve more courage than I. I don’t have to deal with depression or the drugs to treat it, and I can’t imagine having the strength to get past it and just do it. If I were you, I’d settle down for a long talk with my doctor/therapist about the side-effect concerns, tell him/her *why* I’m concerned, and figure out which ones I really need to worry about and how much.
I hear ya on the Christmas thing. My ex always went overboard on the decorating – it was like some sort of mission for him. Like he was compelled to do it, not as though he enjoyed it. I’m still sorting out how much and what sort of decoration I want. This year I settled on a small tree that doesn’t make my few ornaments look too sparse and plenty of spice and fir scented candles. A votive candle a day keeps the winter musties away!
If I may put in a plug for a favorite small business…I am a firm believer in using only beeswax candles, and this is where I buy mine:
http://www.bigdipperwaxworks.com/
Rudolph the Rainbow Leader?