Holiday Traditions – MTC #5

This is a fictional account that is my entry to this latest Mystery Topic Challenge. But first, a short commercial:

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So, the topic is, What are your favorite holiday traditions, and why? Well, let’s see how I can answer this. We’re big on tradition in my family. It’s the only way to keep tabs on everyone, like Jody in Joliet and Uncle Max in Folsom. Then there’s Ginny, they got her in that woman’s rehab across the state line. I’m the “good kid”. Took over dad’s body shop about two years ago when that Chrysler slipped off and crushed him. That was around Christmas, then. It was tough, what with mother breaking out into the waterworks at every turn. I suppose, now that I think back on it, locking her in the shed really had been a bad idea for Christmas morning. You have to understand, though, that with paper, bows and trimmings mixed in with kids hopped up on more sweets than is natural, well, mother would have just brought down the spirit.

Anyway, that’s Christmas. It’s not a real favorite of mine. I mean, the lights are pretty and we get some damn good displays in our county. The food’s all the best, too. Seems like everybody’s got a specialty to show off. I can always count on adding a few inches to my waistline. Then, there’s shopping. Now, I know there are a lot of folks that go the route of the internets these days and, seriously, I would. I hate crowds like you wouldn’t… well, maybe you would believe. I can see you got that same grimacey look I tend to get. Yeah, so you know what I mean. The internets just isn’t TRADITIONAL, you see. Dolly, my wife, she’s got it in her head that we got to take out the whole family to the mall. Mother, too. You got kids? Uh huh. You can imagine it, then. Four kids, not a one over the age of ten, just yet. My mother, and Dolly in charge of the list. Yep, we’re “that family”. The one with the one cranky kid, and the one kid that has to keep wandering, the baby that needs a diaper change, and the mother who manages to find fault with every single damn store we pass.

Okay, that’s not a favorite. Thanksgiving is pretty much the same, but without the presents. Thanksgiving’s also when we have to make the visiting trips. Uncle Max is way out in California, Folsom, remember? So he gets a phone call. I visit him on my own once a year, usually when I do some side work for Dobson’s car farm. I go and pick up a car he buys at auction, sometimes. Anyway, Joliet’s near so we cart everyone there to see Jody and then it’s a two day drive off to see Ginny. Ginny’s gotten to pinching the cheeks of the two older kids. I think she drew blood this year, so Todd and Beth have made us promise not to make them go into the family area next year. I have no problem with that, but Ginny is Dolly’s sister, and well, you know how women can be. Dolly just doesn’t see how Ginny’s going to survive if she can’t pinch the kids. I’m working on a plan, though.

So, let’s see, Turkey tradition isn’t much of a favorite either. Hmm, New Year’s and Fourth of July? Well, they’re the same. Just a reason to blow off some fireworks, drink beer, and stay up late. Of course, our county did away with home owners blowing off fireworks, so now we have to pack up the family and head down to the fairgrounds for a fireworks display. Parking’s just a right old bitch and it never fails, my truck always manages to lose either a side mirror or a headlight in the traffic jam that occurs after the show when 10,000 people think it’s a smart idea to leave all at once.

Easter. Easter is waking up early to the sounds of the kids pleading for their Easter baskets. Dolly insists, though, that we head up to the church for sunrise worship of the Son and then there follows the congregational breakfast. I have yet to be able to escape the duties of chief pancake flipper at this function. Two hours of pouring batter and flipping cakes, standing the whole damn time in my dress Florsheims. It’s hell on my bunions. I’m lucky if I get some coffee and some limp bacon before Dolly’s dragging me out to the Easter egg hunt. I don’t mind that, terribly. My kids are good at finding eggs. Jody Jr. well, he’s real good. He’s found the golden egg three times since he began his first hunt at the age of two. He’s seven this year. Finally, we get back home, the kids get their baskets and are hopped up on sugar, again, for the rest of the day. At least Dolly’s busy in the kitchen, and for once doesn’t begrudge me my games on tv.

So, Easter isn’t too bad. There’s more good food, beer and sports.

Now we’ve got Halloween. I think this is the holiday I’m going to have to admit to being a favorite. I’ve never really grown out of Halloween. Sure, when I hit 15, that was the last time dad let me out to go trick-or-treating. I thought that was the end of my childhood, right then and there. Dad clued me into some new fun, though. The decorating. My dad had a hell of an imagination. He could also build anything. We had ghosts that would flutter down from the trees, sounds that would startle kids, and ghastly things that popped up out of the ground. Our house, when I was a kid, was Halloween central.

Dolly and I actually met during one Halloween when I was helping dad with the decorating. Dolly’s family had moved into the neighborhood some months ago and it was already getting around that Ginny was a mighty troublemaker. She was with that crowd of girls that smoked. They’d punch you for a dollar as soon as kiss you; that’s how they were. Dolly, though, well she was a smart girl. Even wore these glasses which she hated. You remember, those pointy ones, think they called them bat wing or something like that. She had long, curly brown hair and just the darkest eyes. Well, I was spell-bound for sure. Anyway, she came by to see what we were doing and before I’d realized it, dad had inducted Dolly into our decorating crew.

Dolly brought in a lot more ideas, including a talent for costumes. She worked awhile, before we were married, as a costumer at the local theatre. Dolly still does some amazing needlework, but the kids keep her busy, too.

I couldn’t help but fall in love and just had to marry Dolly. We both look forward to Halloween and we plan nearly a month ahead about what we’ll do to the house and the yard, and the kids, too. This year was the first year for the youngest to get to go and they all wanted to be hobbits. I tell you, Dolly could have worked on that Lord of the Rings movie those costumes were so good. Of course, she had us dress up, too. I was done up like the bad guy played by Christopher Lee. I’m always the bad guy since I kind of have that look about me. Dolly was the pretty elf, that gal that’s the rockstar’s daughter? Yep, her.

Most states don’t have much trick-or-treating anymore and I’m sure it’ll hit our neck of the woods, too, someday. I’m not looking forward to that. Until then, though, we’re keeping our traditions up and passing them along to our kids. I don’t even seem to mind the sugar hangovers the next day either.

So, I hope that’s sufficient to answer you’re question. I gotta get to work.