Posts Tagged ‘author’

The Horse Was


08 Dec

A badly written piece of faux-inked nonsense masquerading as great literature by Jayne d’Arcy. Blame her brother, Jim, for being the sweet, precocious child he was who mangled his best friend’s name into Ronny Gumfarm. Enjoy!

The Horse Was

Argle.

Hack.

Hairball?

Ronny Gumfarm tweaked his nose, sneezed and coughed for a second time. The horse over in the next stall stomped its hooves and neighed in annoyance.

With a shrug of his thin shoulders, Ronny Gumfarm plopped his overly articulated skeleton down onto the nearby bale of hay, and picked nervously at his teeth with his pinky fingernail.

It was Jolene Bombashoot’s fault.

Ronny Gumfarm sighed as a thoroughly goof-sodden expression sogged over his freckled, narrow face.

“Jolene…” he breathed and coughed for a third time. This time the irritated horse kicked the wooden slats of its stall sharply with its hooves. Ronny Gumfarm was rather too far gone thinking of the plush Jolene Bombashoot as he sighed, coughed, and sneezed.

Ronny might have been allergic to Jolene.

Stuffing his long, hooked beak, into a faded, large square of country cotten, Ronny blew his nose, wiped it, and that time he took notice of the horse kicking the wood slats of its stall for a second time.

“Jolene Bombashoot!” he snapped sharply towards the horse in a voice that was pitched a tad nasal, and a bit too much southern fried chicken accented.

The horse neighed sharply and expressed its distressed annoyance by underlining its displeasure with a third, horrendous kick to the wooden slats that splintered them.

Ronny Gumfarm was about to shout Jolene’s name again, but only let out a squeak of air as the horse stuck its head through the now large hole within the mangled wood.

It snorted.

Its eyes were red.

Ronny Gumfarm thought he ought to run.

Ronny Gumfarm was not a quick thinker.

The horse was.

As for Jolene Bombashoot, she gave a little sniffle, and a very ladylike sneeze to Ronny Gumfarm’s coffin as it was lowered into the earth the next day. She then dabbed at her crocodile tears, accepted a few condolences with plasticine grace, and by the afternoon, she’d pawned the small diamond ring, and took off for Las Vegas.

Jolene was going to be a movie star!

~*~*~

Author’s Insufferable Afterword, Disclaimer, and Extra Nonsense: Please note that any inaccuracies inherent in this abominable piece of prose are not apologized for despite having not been studiously over researched. Said author is not responsible for the loss of time in which you might have taken to read this shlock and hereby notifies any coffee-spewing reader that she will not give it back.

Thank you.

To Touch Someone


08 Sep

I wrote a scathing article nearly two years ago (that I cannot find, of course) that lit into fan fiction, and fan fiction writers. I was still caught up in that mindset that it was important for me to get my original work formally published. Myself and several other authors would talk and then complain about how no one ever, EVER commented on our original work. Take a look at my story archives — some of my most popular posts are the stories and poems in there, but barely 1% of the people reading those stories ever bothered to comment.

This is an old complaint, and a mystery. It isn’t just me. I have my original work, some of my best pieces, published at Fiction Press where I’ve met many authors who are trying to figure this out.

Well, I bowed out on that mystery as it is one that will be debated and dissected long after I am gone. Leaving that behind also set me onto a new path (that really was an old one).

When I was a kid growing up, I told stories to anyone who listened to me. Some were made up on the fly, never to be heard again, but very much appreciated by my audience. Some I wrote down, and those were also appreciated. I also told stories that were inspired by shows (Star Trek, The Addams Familly, The Munsters) and books (Treasure Island).

It didn’t matter where the story came from. What I enjoyed was telling the story to an audience that showed their appreciation.

As I thought about some recent creative efforts that were coming to naught, and generally gave me more of a headache than new visions, I stayed away from the computer for a long while.

Then I read Deathly Hallows by J. K. Rowling. I was not saddened by Snape’s death, I was angry. I had no problem with the character dying. I had expected that would happen. What I didn’t expect was the way in which the character was killed and how it was so easily brushed under the rug. (There is so much about that book that chaps my hide, but that’s a post or rant for another day).

Choosing to deny not just Snape’s death, but the deaths of so many loved characters, I sought out fan fiction to give it another chance. I found, literally, hundreds of stories that kept Snape and other characters alive and gave them new adventures and fascinating lives. I began reading the stories I enjoyed the most: romance stories that used a created, original character for Snape to fall in love with, or the genre that has Snape becoming mentor to Harry, adopting him, or even turning out to be his real father.

What I found was that there were some very good fan fiction authors out there who wrote in the Harry Potter universe better than Rowling herself did. It was, to say the least, an eye opener.

After reading for some time, I decided to try my own hand at writing a story. Long story about another story, short… I not only wrote a 91 chapter fan fiction story, but it was longest, most continuous and finished story I’d ever written. But, the cream on that was the feedback I have received during the writing of Back in Time, and after it was completed. Here is some absolutely wonderful feedback I received yesterday:

Story: Back in Time
Chapter: 91. Epilogue

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for writing about Eowyn’s fear of going off
to Hogwarts. I’m a Freshman at a huge college in a city several thousand miles
from home where I know only my 3 roommates and a girl at another college. Your
description of Eowyn sounds just like me: quiet, a bookworm, afraid of seeming
‘uninteresting’ to people, everything. I’ve been called ‘weird’ and ‘too
quiet’ by many people.

Snape’s words of comfort to Eowyn really struck something inside me. When I
read his dialogue with his daughter, I felt like someone had heard how I felt,
how afraid of being friendless, how intimidated I was by the vast amount of
new people I had to meet at school, and decided to comfort me; when I read
“but we all must bear many things we don’t like in order to attain that which
we desire” and “You are different, though, and you may not appreciate that
this moment, but you will sooner than you think. All of us are different,” I
cried.

I just want you to know how much I love your handling of Snape as a father. I
don’t often read fics where Snape adopts Draco and Harry, or stories where
Hermione and Draco get together. I wasn’t sure if I liked the pairings at
first, but they have grown on me. Lyrica sounds like someone we all wish to
know, a good mother and friend, Snape the somewhat-scary, protective father.

Again, -thank you- for all the time and effort you have put into this.

This makes whatever I write, original or fan fiction, worth the time I put into it. I told a story, folks appreciated it, and for some people, it touched them.

That’s a helluva lot more satisfying than putting myself through the wringer to please an editor in order to publish one, original story.

-+-+-+-+-

My completed fan fiction can be found here.
My original stories and poems can be found here and here.

Famous Storytellers –

Tim Burton & Vincent Price

Tim Burton & Vincent Price

Small Favors by Jim Butcher


19 May

Small Favor (The Dresden Files, Book 10) Small Favor by Jim Butcher



My review


rating: 4 of 5 stars
I enjoyed this book mostly because I love Dresden and all the characters I’ve become familiar with over the series. I did miss Bob, who had only a small part in this novel.



My problem with the story comes in what seems to have become a pattern in the stories: with each book, the demons, fae, and monsters are bigger and even tougher for Dresden to deal with. Practically next to impossible, but against all odds, he succeeds in dealing with the bad guys. It frankly, gets a bit boring. I find myself slogging through all the unbelievable battles just so I can discover what happens to each of the characters.



I am also disheartened towards what happened to one of my favorite characters. I won’t reveal who, but I know I will be reading the next novel to find out what happens as this character recovers.



If you really love Harry, Murphy, and other characters, then, despite what I thought were the negatives, you’ll still enjoy this book.


View all my reviews.

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