I often wake with songs in my mind or actually singing aloud. Claudius, my cat, ignores me now. However, today I woke with this song:
I also woke with very little pain in my joints, and I haven’t had a side twitch of pain for nearly 48 hours.
Hallelujah.
That may be why I find Harry Potter (in the first four books) a child I am able to identify with. That’s all he wishes for, but it’s years before it finally happens for him.
It won’t for me. I have good days, of course, and thank heaven for those! But, with the good comes the bad. This year has just been the pits both physically and mentally. I get exhausted just trying to find the tiniest scrap of normalcy so that no one will know that my side is twinging, or my ankle hurts, or that my hip aches. Thank goodness no one can read my mind, either, for it’s not always the most pleasant place to be.
It certainly doesn’t help when my insomnia kicks in so viciously that it can be up to 48 hours before I can sleep again. Slowly I’m recovering from my 24 hours of wakefulness, but there are steps backwards when I truly want to sleep, and am unable to force myself into the bedroom and into bed. Instead, I sleep awkwardly on the couch waking to odd noises, or bursts of adrenaline in my system.
I cry very easily, then. Some of the cheesiest commercials just set me off, too. There’s nothing concrete to cry about, but I can no more stop the tears, then I can stop my shaking hands.
Add to all of that another migraine (third this week) and I do want to sleep and never wake up. I don’t hesitate to call the Mental Health line, but sometimes it would be nice, in those wee hours, if I could talk to someone who knew me, even just a bit.
I think I can send myself to bed, now, so I am off.
Nighty night.
And don’t tell me I need a nap!!!
Because I’m overweight, I threw out my swayback a couple of days ago. Having a swayback is a hazard anyway, and it is far too easy to throw it out of whack. My glorious career as a hotel maid went by the wayside because everytime I picked up a corner of a bed mattress to put on a sheet, I was in danger of throwing out the swayback. As it was, at the peak of good health, and age (I cleaned rooms between 14 and 25 years old) I threw out my stupid swayback at least twice a month. Damn swayback didn’t get the message and kept coming back.
I have never had my swayback go out just because I’m overweight. Well, now it’s happened.
Yes, I know it’s my own fault, and I knew where I was headed. It still didn’t force me to get up and move, nor did it stop me from having that extra bowl of frosted mini wheats. So, if you value your life, don’t criticize me there.
I spent a day walking around with the husband downtown. A pleasant day. I couldn’t keep up with him, and my legs, knees, and hips were hurting. I never said a thing, though. No complaints.
That was it, though. Hitting bottom. I didn’t want another day like that.
So, I am trying to change my situation, but it’s very hard. Just jumping in and doing exercises isn’t that easy. I’m not really sure what to do, other than walk. I wish I had someone to exercise with, but I don’t. It’s tough to make friends when you rarely leave the house. And, I love my husband, but he won’t exercise with me. He won’t join a gym with me, and he’s not so great in the diet area either. Turkey, spaghetti, and spicey soup are his staples. Turkey should only be at Thanksgiving, not once a week. Spaghetti and spicey soup are foods I can no longer entertain because my ulcer keeps breaking up the party.
With all this, added to that damned, mysterious twitching pain in my left side, and a migraine as the cherry, I had a really cruddy night last night. I had to take extra medication (which dried out my mouth further), call the Nurses Hotline to make certain I wasn’t accidentally O.D.’ing by also taking my migraine meds (I wasn’t), and my swayback was refusing to get comfortable in my bed. I wound up sleeping, fitfully, sitting upright on the couch, while keeping a piece of gum in my mouth. At least now I know I will keep the gum in my mouth instead of spitting it out into my hair.
Today, I still hurt, but am taking my muscle relaxant and a pain reliever. I keep falling asleep wherever, and I’m fecking cranky.
I am seeking a question.
