Posts Tagged ‘Logospilgrim’

Desert Rose & The flawed master


06 Dec

Yesterday’s artwork was a bit on the grim side, so here is something a bit more colorful, and bright, to cheer up your Sunday.

Desert-Rose_framed_sm

In the middle of working on this I took a break and read the third essay in The flawed master by Logospilgrim titled Expelliarmus – The Art of Spiritual War. Whilst reading, I was listening to the Light Classical station on Comcast, and this was playing:

Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring seemed very appropriate for this essay, and not because it is one of my favorite spiritual compositions.

The essay reminded me of the phrase I was told as a child, hated as an adult, and am reconsidering now: “God will never give you more than you can handle.” The original is from (1 Corinthians 10:13) “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.”

From the time I turned 12, it felt like my body, both physically and mentally, was beginning to turn on me. It didn’t help that I was also facing bullying at school that I still have nightmares about today. At age 12, with a mouthful of painful braces and the beginning of closing myself off emotionally from what was happening at school, I first heard that phrase. For a time, I took comfort in it, believing that at some point, the pain would end.

I was 21 when my braces came off. According to the orthodontist, I had at least five more years to go in which to fix several cosmetic problems. I’d had enough of the pain in my mouth and I wanted my teeth back and I wanted relief.

That wasn’t the end of the pain. Now I am 47, and just when I thought I had discovered relief from my mental pain (everyday suicidal thoughts) and physical pain (Fibromyalgia) more pain arrived and with it came the panic attacks such as I’d never had them before.

One night when I went to the emergency room for the pain in my side, I wanted to slap the nurse bloody that quoted that most despised phrase to me.

When I am having a pain free day, and I feel good mentally, it rather shocks me. I don’t expect it since it doesn’t happen often. When it does, I revel in it and try to remember all that was good about the day so I can recall it later.

I feel, in these last few months, that I am becoming resigned to my pain. I no longer hope for it to go away entirely, instead I wait patiently for those good days. For awhile I was depressed over what I felt was the fact that I would never be free of the pain. I don’t feel that way now. It IS and I shall just make the best of it.

What I’ve learned from “Expelliarmus – The Art of Spiritual War” is an acceptance that there are some battles I’m not to fight. Complaining, getting mad at doctors, nurses, or God, does nothing to help alleviate my pain. I am learning (again) and becoming more aware that this creative mind of mine is useful for more than just stories, and artwork. I am a good problem solver, but I rarely set to solving or finding a way around my own problems.

It’s far too easy to sulk.

This is not new, what I read in this essay. I am a stubborn, willful person, and I constantly have to be reminded of what I’ve been taught before. This essay reminds me of lessons I’ve been taught before, and showed me that this phrase has within it, a kernel of truth: “God will never give you more than you can handle.” However, Logospilgrim’s words showed me the path that revealed a greater insight to that phrase in its original form: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.”

Indeed.

The flawed master: You Are Here to Learn


17 Nov

Recently I wrote about two of my favorite religious icons and how someone (unfortunately a member of my family) has had the gall to tell me that as I am not of the denomination that the two icons belong to, that I am being disrespectful towards them. I am grateful (and a tad smug) over the feedback from folks who were intelligent enough to understand that a person finds strength, inspiration, etc. through all manner of symbols.

With that thought in mind, I’d like to introduce you to another balm, an inspiration, the author behind an extraordinary series of books that show how Severus Snape can be used as an unusual guide on the path to god.

hbp_snapeYou heard right – Severus Snape. I know you might be tempted to laugh, but don’t. I’ve a very long and convoluted path that I have traveled on my quest to KNOW and to UNDERSTAND god. My faith has waxed and waned, and sometimes disappeared so thoroughly, I could only contemplate death because I hurt so much. I have learned that lessons, guidance, nudges can be found anywhere. So, for me, it makes perfect sense to discover that Severus Snape might have something to teach me beyond the Harry Potter books.

The conduit, I suppose that is a suitable term, is Logospilgrim, a self-described “Christian, a writer, a somewhat unusual lay monastic and a silly person”.

Recently I purchased one of her books, The flawed master – lessons Professor Snape taught me. Although I’ve been aware of her presence for several years, and I’d been curious about her books, there weren’t any that really called to me. When I learned that Logospilgrim was working on a new book, and I heard the title, I knew, deep down to my soul, this was the book I would purchase.

The Flawed MasterMy book arrived today and it is, words aside, a beautiful, paperback book with glossy covers. The book is a buy and print product from Lulu.com. Having never bought a book from Lulu.com, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect as far as quality went. This book is as nice as anything I might find in a bookstore.

Now, to the content. No, I’m not finished reading it. This isn’t some piece of fiction that I’d read in a few days and would forget in a few weeks. It isn’t… fluff. I wanted to sit down, comfortably away from the computer, with the tv off, and no noise from dogs, mouthy cat, or noise-making chef/hubby. When I finally did get the silence I wanted, I read the first essay.

My review is a combination of emotion, memories, and letting my imagination get away with itself. Not my usual curt way of reviewing a book, but it is my intention to savor these essays.

The flawed master
by Logospilgrim

“Quiet, children, and listen. This is not a time of questions or of speaking behind the professor’s back. He has come here to teach you. Now, shush.”

You Are Here To Learn

I hear Professor Snape’s voice silkily voicing the title, but his rich tones are laced with more familiar cadences from my past. Teachers, yes, but more importantly, my parents, my brothers… my family.

This essay serves to remind me of all those times when I had so many questions in my head — whether about god, Christ, or why the sky was blue. I wanted to know and my thirst for knowledge seemed forever endless.

When I was very, very young, I babbled. All the time. The adults around me just thought it was childish gibberish and thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until one evening when dad brought home a reel-to-reel old-fashioned tape recorder that allowed one to speed up or slow down the recording. Dad kept shoving the microphone in my face, and I babbled. The adults chuckled at my cuteness. It was when my dad slowed down the tape that they discovered something remarkable — I wasn’t babbling. I was speaking full sentences that most children my age couldn’t attempt. And, I was telling the adults to “leave me alone!”

Back then, my babbling reflected the whirring within my brain. I imagine Hermione Granger’s quest for knowledge is quite similar.

What I learned, at my parents feet, was to be quiet, to listen. I didn’t need to ask and to interrupt because my parents had every intention of answering every question I had, asked or unasked.

My head has been filled with questions again and I was foolish to think that I would find all the answers in the very first paragraph of The flawed master. Who am I kidding? I was looking at the table of contents, and the copyright page somehow hoping that might provide an answer or two!

I found the Quiet Professor’s words in this essay calming. I skipped (tripped really) over some of the words, and I fell asleep, too. Don’t worry, all good books cause me to snooze now and then. I’m always tired.

What I had read, remained on the edge of my consciousness, and when I woke, I straightened my reading glasses, went back a few paragraphs, and found the Quiet Professor patiently waiting for me. Seated serenely in my chair, I finished the essay, listening instead of asking.

I find the essay, You Are Here To Learn, to be a kind of meditative preparation. A way to slow down my thoughts (for they have a tendency to never shut up). My breathing evens out, and I find that I am now open and accepting.

In my imagination, I drop a sprig of lavender and seeds of chamomile into my cauldron. The potion begins to bubble softly as the mixed aromas drift over my senses.

I’m listening, now… it’s time for the next lesson.

I’d like everyone to read this book or any of Logospilgrim’s other work. Look for her books and essays at Logospilgrim, and if you’d care to read some very good fan fiction, she writes that, too!

I Have Been Here Before

I am seeking a question.