Yesterday’s artwork was a bit on the grim side, so here is something a bit more colorful, and bright, to cheer up your Sunday.
In the middle of working on this I took a break and read the third essay in The flawed master by Logospilgrim titled Expelliarmus – The Art of Spiritual War. Whilst reading, I was listening to the Light Classical station on Comcast, and this was playing:
Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring seemed very appropriate for this essay, and not because it is one of my favorite spiritual compositions.
The essay reminded me of the phrase I was told as a child, hated as an adult, and am reconsidering now: “God will never give you more than you can handle.” The original is from (1 Corinthians 10:13) “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.”
From the time I turned 12, it felt like my body, both physically and mentally, was beginning to turn on me. It didn’t help that I was also facing bullying at school that I still have nightmares about today. At age 12, with a mouthful of painful braces and the beginning of closing myself off emotionally from what was happening at school, I first heard that phrase. For a time, I took comfort in it, believing that at some point, the pain would end.
I was 21 when my braces came off. According to the orthodontist, I had at least five more years to go in which to fix several cosmetic problems. I’d had enough of the pain in my mouth and I wanted my teeth back and I wanted relief.
That wasn’t the end of the pain. Now I am 47, and just when I thought I had discovered relief from my mental pain (everyday suicidal thoughts) and physical pain (Fibromyalgia) more pain arrived and with it came the panic attacks such as I’d never had them before.
One night when I went to the emergency room for the pain in my side, I wanted to slap the nurse bloody that quoted that most despised phrase to me.
When I am having a pain free day, and I feel good mentally, it rather shocks me. I don’t expect it since it doesn’t happen often. When it does, I revel in it and try to remember all that was good about the day so I can recall it later.
I feel, in these last few months, that I am becoming resigned to my pain. I no longer hope for it to go away entirely, instead I wait patiently for those good days. For awhile I was depressed over what I felt was the fact that I would never be free of the pain. I don’t feel that way now. It IS and I shall just make the best of it.
What I’ve learned from “Expelliarmus – The Art of Spiritual War” is an acceptance that there are some battles I’m not to fight. Complaining, getting mad at doctors, nurses, or God, does nothing to help alleviate my pain. I am learning (again) and becoming more aware that this creative mind of mine is useful for more than just stories, and artwork. I am a good problem solver, but I rarely set to solving or finding a way around my own problems.
It’s far too easy to sulk.
This is not new, what I read in this essay. I am a stubborn, willful person, and I constantly have to be reminded of what I’ve been taught before. This essay reminds me of lessons I’ve been taught before, and showed me that this phrase has within it, a kernel of truth: “God will never give you more than you can handle.” However, Logospilgrim’s words showed me the path that revealed a greater insight to that phrase in its original form: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.”
Indeed.
